D2CA.ORG - Dan's 20th Century Abandonware - Microsoft® Bob™ Exhibit

In the early to mid-1990's, many software companies often included sample files with their programs featuring a pro-environmental "green" theme with documents splashing pictures of trees, text talking of planting trees, "eco" this and "eco" that ad nauseum.

Strange, though -- none of this "green" propaganda actually attacked any given industry. Why? Because the software companies were trying to sell their wares to all the industries ... "green" or otherwise.

It begs the question, while those software companies were floating all those "green" sample files, what manufacturing processes were they using to make all those millions of floppy disks, CD-ROMs, user manuals, registration cards, advertisement inserts, box containers, and plastic shrinkwrap? While some of the cardboard and paper portions of their products may have been made from recycled materials, what about the rest of the package?

I am not against a cleaner world and a better environment, but I take exception to the methods some environmentalists use to try to achieve that goal -- and software companies that preach one thing and practice another.

It is interesting to note that there aren't many "green" messages being presented in software sample files these days. But, that's the present. Now, back to the mid-1990's and Microsoft Bob.

Microsoft Bob is not just a yellow, smiley-faced Pac-Man with glasses.
He's also "green" with the ecological thing. In addition to Bob's advisory information bases on household improvements and financing are several tips and ideas to help you become one with your world.

Bob Calendar's "EcoTips," as mentioned on the Microsoft Bob application software page, offer a daily tip on how you can do your part to make the world a better place.

Below are some random selections, taken directly from Bob Calendar's "EcoTips," that show the true environmentalist mentality on recycling and conservation -- and my thoughts about them as well.

	My Comment: How big is a 35mm canister?
	My Comment: Well, that leaves out just about everything....
	My Comment: And how would your girlfriend react to receiving here engagement ring wrapped in wallpaper???
	My Comment: Does that include the spoon normally associated with your settings?
	My Comment: And any guests, as well.
	My Comment: Never mind about the tar and oil and other wastes that will wash into it from the roof of that aging old building....
	My Comment: And upgrade that 1920's-era electrical wiring so your computer doesn't keep rebooting.
	My Comment: So the heat can catch the stuffed animal on fire and burn down the building -- more room for birds.
	My Comment: Now, if I could just avoid doing that with the microwave ... what are those lumps on my face?!?
	My Comment: But, won't I save gas and wear by only doing the one errand I need to?
	My Comment: It still takes the same amount of time and energy because I still have the same amount of clothes to iron. So if I do it "once or twice a week" I just have more clothes to iron at once than if I do it daily.
	My Comment: Sure, no problem. Mold takes a few days to culture.
	My Comment: That smell? Oh, we must be having an inversion today.
	My Comment: Forget the trunk, my spouse's weight alone is eating up 50% of our fuel efficiency. Do the math....
	My Comment: We had to close the restaurant because it took too long to cook the food and we lost business.
	My Comment: Those "old" lights still work -- cut them and you'll be the one tied up!
	My Comment: We can decrease consumption another 1.0082745391% by unplugging them altogether. We can cut off the mold and use disinfectant on the food when necessary.
	My Comment: But what those spotters didn't tell you was that "plastic" was actually an empty nursing bottle that had the logo "Greenpeace" on it!!! Seriously, you will notice this "EcoTip" gives absolutely no reference as to who the whale spotters were, when this "once" occurred, what the "plastic" was, or how they knew it prevented the whale calf from nursing. Did they watch the calf long enough to see that it couldn't nurse? Did they note how long the calf was unable to nurse? One time? One hundred times? Did the "plastic" get removed from the calf? Did these spotters do it? Or did the calf simply eat the "plastic" and continue nursing. It is this deliberate vagueness that leads one to wonder just how sincere claims such as these really are. What do you think?

Digger's "Dumbfounders"
As if this wasn't enough, "Digger," one of Microsoft Bob's Personal Guide "friends," also gives out similar "eco tips" in his "Dig it, Digger!" option.

Digger is the "environmentalist" Personal Guide, offering advice on home insulation, reducing paper and plastic waste, recycling motor oil, dangerous garden chemicals, getting an "energy audit" from your power company, air conditioner maintenance, planting trees and such.

And Digger isn't beyond exaggerating environmentally, as many "EcoTips" in Bob Calendar also do. Here is an example of one of Digger's "Dig it, Digger!" sayings.

Microsoft Bob's Dig It Digger

While Digger means well, this isn't all quite true. Yes, if more people walked, rode bikes, mass transited or carpooled it could reduce overall oil consumption -- by the minutest fraction of a percent, realistically. The same is true for reducing emissions. There are so many millions of people using oil-consuming vehicles that a few doing the "green thing" are not going to reduce emissions overall by any significant amount.

And the part about "fewer oil spills?" Let's just get real here, people. That is blatantly false. No conservation method is going to affect oil transportation mishaps. It is this kind of rhetoric that gives some environmentalists a bad name. Can we all say, "misinformation?"

Here's another "Digger dumbfounder:"

Microsoft Bob's Dig It Digger

"Happy Feet" aside, here we go again. As if six-pack holders were the only threatening piece of garbage to wildlife. There was no reference as to how many "birds and seals" have actually been discovered "stuck" in six-pack holders. It is this kind of alarmist deception that gives some environmentalists their negative, radical reputation.

But we're missing the point about the six-pack holders. Simply cutting them so "birds and seals" don't get stuck in them does nothing to reduce the amount of garbage waste. It only gets you, the gullible, would-be "conversationalist," to do what some of these radical, misinforming people and groups want ... anything they say. Their goal is to be able to make you jump -- when they want you to and how they want you to. It's about control, and, for some of them, control via misinformation, deception, and lies.

This rhetoric alone would be enough that, if I had purchased Microsoft Bob at full retail for US$129.95 in 1995, then discovered this "green garbage" embedded within it, I would have uninstalled Microsoft Bob from my computer and returned it for a refund faster than you can say "misinformation."

If you want to get the message out to "save the world" in the same spirit some environmentalists do, go sign up with a "green" group and ship off to chase oil tankers and whale barges. Or chain yourself to a tree. Or protest to let ten snails live in an area a bridge is to be built. Or try to put loggers out of work by attempting to protect a spotted owl. I don't want that activist propaganda "polluting" my word processor as an option next to the spell checker. And neither does 99.9% of the rest of the software consumer market.

Activist agendas have no place in mainstream application software.

How do you feel about Bob's stand on conservation?
How do you feel about my views about Bob's views?
Tell me!

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